One of the most vital areas to strike the right balance when you’re stepping into a senior leadership role is assertiveness. Your colleagues and direct reports need to see you as a confident decision-maker who isn't afraid to stand their ground.
But finding that balance can be easier said than done. Especially if you’re naturally quieter or more reserved, or where you’ve stepped up quickly and have close relationships at your previous level.
You want to be assertive, but you don’t want to be a d*ck. Going too far can alienate people and undermine your leadership credibility. Not going far enough can see you criticised for being “too nice”, “not tough enough” or “not willing to speak up”
The most effective leaders find the sweet spot where they can be assertive while still remaining respectful, open to other viewpoints, and focused on achieving positive outcomes.
In this guide, we'll explore practical strategies for walking that tightrope of assertive leadership effectively. We'll look at ways to project a stronger presence, set boundaries, push back respectfully, and get your point across firmly but palatably.
The Benefits of Being Assertive in Professional Settings
In a leadership role, assertiveness is an invaluable tool for driving results while maintaining positive relationships. Some key advantages include:
Increased Confidence and Credibility: Leaders who are perceived as assertive project a stronger presence and as a result, they tend to be taken more seriously. When you seem self assured (rather than cocky or apologetic) your external demonstration of confidence increases your credibility. .
Clearer Boundaries and Expectations: By learning to say no firmly but politely, you can set healthy boundaries around your time and responsibilities. Colleagues are less likely to make unreasonable demands of you.
Better Conflict Resolution: When you can handle disagreements in an assertive way, you don’t run the risk of avoiding important conversations or allowing things to bubble under the surface. You can clear the air whilst preserving relationships.
Improved Negotiation Outcomes: Assertiveness allows you to say what you want in a given situation. Funnily enough, that makes it more likely to be possible. You can advocate for your ideas or position, bringing data and logic to the table while also seeking compromise where needed.
The more you’re able to cultivate an assertive communication style, the more influential you’re likely to be at work and the more opportunities for progression will be possible.
Practical Steps for More Assertive Communication
Be clear and direct: Use this as a mantra to sense check for what you’re saying, whether you’re setting expectations with your team, providing feedback, or establishing boundaries around your availability and responsibilities.
That doesn't mean being rude or blunt. But it does mean stating your perspectives, needs and limits in a respectful way without leaving room for misinterpretation.
Practise slowing down and removing filler words: When you’re speaking, avoid using hedging phrases and apologies that can undermine your message. A measured, unhurried pace conveys poise, confidence and being in control of the situation. It's a hallmark of gravitas. Rapidly firing off words can make you seem nervous or lacking assertiveness
When you want to emphasise a point, use a pause after making it to give people time to absorb it.
Use "I" Statements: "I" statements plainly communicate your feelings, opinions and experiences as your truth, without accusing, blaming or generalising.
They can really help to convey your point in a concise way without provoking a defensive reaction. Some examples of assertive "I" statements include
"I think we should reconsider that approach because..."
"I need to reschedule our meeting for later this afternoon."
"I have a different perspective on this issue."
"I don't agree with pursuing that strategy because..."
"I'm concerned that this plan overlooks some key risks.”
""My assessment is that we need to…”
Strategies for Assertive Behaviour
While specific tips can help with becoming more assertive in both written and verbal communication, there’s also the opportunity to be perceived as more assertive in other situations. A big part of being perceived as assertive is in how you ‘carry’ yourself and the presence you have. And a big part of that stems from your sense of self assurance.
The more self-assured you feel in your abilities, expertise and that you belong in your leadership role, the more others will sub consciously respond to that sense of self assurance. But what if you don’t feel self assured? Stepping into a new leadership role is notorious for impacting self confidence.
The good news is that even if you’re don’t naturally brim with confidence, there are practical techniques you can employ to boost self-assurance before important meetings, presentations or difficult conversations. Basically any of the situations where assertive behaviour is required:
Positive Self Talk: You wouldn’t enjoy spending every waking moment with someone who constantly critiqued and judged you. So don’t do that to yourself. When self doubt creeps in or you beat yourself up about not doing something perfectly first time around, take the time to notice it and address the inner critical voice with something kinder and more compassionate
Make it a habit to remind yourself of your strengths, talents and the way your perspective and experience allows you to contribute and add value. For example, depending on your skill and experience on a topic up for discussion, you could say "I am knowledgeable about this topic and have every right to share my views clearly and confidently." OR “I have less experience in this area, but asking questions that others might not think to ask could help the discussion”
Power Posing: Body language postures can really influence the confidence and assertiveness you project both inwardly and outwardly. Before an event, meeting or interview, spend a few minutes in a "power pose" - standing tall, shoulders back, making yourself bigger. This simple act has been shown to increase feelings of confidence.
Visualisation: Mentally rehearsing how you want to act or behave in a situation before it happens can be incredibly effective. It tells your brain how you want it to respond when the situation feels higher pressure and can prevent nerves kicking in and the fight or flight response being activated
Visualise specific positive scenarios playing out successfully and let them run through to how you'll feel afterwards. Create a strong mental model for what assertive behaviour looks and feels like for you (that doesn’t have to mean jazz hands or thumping a table
Going in with boosted self-confidence makes it far easier to then activate assertive body language, vocal techniques and communication strategies in the moment. You'll feel more deserving of your place at the table.
Summary
Assertiveness doesn’t mean you have to try and be someone you’re not. It isn’t about being aggressive or ignoring other people. And it isn’t about faking confidence or being loud.
Assertiveness comes from a mixture of employing simple practical techniques in communication and behaviour, along with reminding yourself that you are just as deserving of making a contribution and being listened to as anyone else.
It allows you to advocate for yourself and your team in a way that allows you to be heard and to create influence and impact.
If you’re struggling with finding the balance between nice and assertive or polite and direct, my Practical Leadership Power Hour could be a great option to unpack the strategies that will work best for you