If you want to be a great leader, Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is going to be an important part of that picture. You're probably familiar with it as a term, but lots of the information about it is very academic and theoretical. It is also a HUGE topic and pretty complex
With this blog, I'm going for a starter for 10 approach – a simple guide to what EQ is, and more importantly some of the steps you can take to improve your own Emotional Intelligence at a general level.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Put simply, if IQ is the ability to put your knowledge to use in a range of situations, EQ is the ability to understand, manage and constructively use emotions. Think of it as emotional dexterity. It’s a set of skills, abilities and strategies that combine to positive effect.
At a pretty straightforward and simple level (I’m a fan of simple!) the model I use has 5 areas sitting within the overall definition:
Self perception (how well you know and manage yourself)
Self expression (how you show up in the world)
Interpersonal (how you interact with others)
Decision making (how well you use your emotions to make good decisions and solve problems)
Stress Management (how able you are to be resilient and stay positive, even in stressful circumstances)
Why does EQ matter?
Plenty of research has shown that Emotional Intelligence can be a bigger predictor of success in certain roles than IQ, particularly when comparing leadership to 'technical expert' roles.
This makes a lot of sense - leading and managing others tends to mean an increased need to be able to communicate and connect with people, and to stay resilient in the face of challenges
If you’re ambitious and wanting to step up in your career, or if you’re supporting someone else who is developing, then Emotional Intelligence can provide a great framework to consider where to get most bang for your buck when considering some of the changes you need to make and the habits that will help
How do I go about becoming more emotionally intelligent?
There are some fundamental aspects of Emotional Intelligence that have been shown to be particularly important when it comes to developing the overall level. Let's consider these the first building blocks to start with
Being aware of your own emotions
Being aware of other peoples’ emotions
Being able to predict how others will feel based on how you act
Your own emotions
It might sound basic to say you need to be aware of your emotions as you’re experiencing them, but bear with me. Ever looked back on a discussion and realised you were more annoyed than you thought? And that it probably showed? Yep. Me too
Most of us are just fine at realising what emotions we previously experienced, but we don’t always catch it in the moment. And as a result, there are times where we react to things rather than respond.
The better you get at noticing the emotion that is going on, the easier it becomes to regulate your emotional state. What that gives you is the ability to choose behaviours and approaches that will be geared towards the result you want, rather than to express the emotion you're feeling at the time
On a practical level, one thing that can help is to get really specific about labelling the emotion you’re experiencing. Consider the difference between ‘I’m annoyed’, and ‘I’m frustrated that Sam hasn’t sent me the information they promised’. Getting specific in this way does two things
It helps create a ‘distance’ from the emotion which can then help to regulate it
It helps point to the cause of the emotion which can help identify how to resolve issues
Other peoples’ emotions
If it can be tricky at times to notice our own emotions in the moment, reading other people adds a whole other set of challenges. Some people are very expressive of the emotions they are experiencing, others less so. And then there are the times when people may purposely hide what they are feeling
The move to more remote working has made this aspect of EQ more difficult – in person there are often more non verbal cues that can make it easier to read the room. On Zoom or teams, trying to read expressions is nigh on impossible, even if everyone has their camera on
Again, there are some simple ways to make this easier. Start by consciously making the effort to ask how others are feeling rather than leaving it to guesswork. The more you focus on listening, the more people will express themselves.
As an introvert, I used to be known for my poker face during senior team discussions. More extroverted members of the team struggled with it, sometimes wondering whether I was bored, disengaged or thought their ideas were terrible.
The truth was normally none of those things – I was simply processing my thoughts internally before expressing them. Instead of assuming the worst, they got into the habit of asking how I felt. And the more aware I was that my lack of expression could be unnerving, the more I made the effort to express myself.
If people are cautious about expressing themselves in a team discussion or meeting, it can also help to check in individually. This is often needed when either a team is newly formed or where there’s a new leader or team member. Trust takes time to build and people can be nervous of the consequences of expressing themselves honestly until they know it is safe
The Value of Empathy & Predicting responses
Empathy is a critical skill within Emotional Intelligence. The better the ability to step into other people’s shoes and anticipate how they will feel and respond to things, the easier life gets for leaders because it is easier to get buy in and to maintain morale and goodwill
We’ve all experienced the moment when someone gets this horribly wrong. Just recently I heard of a leader cheerfully announcing a promotion in a team meeting without recognising that the person who didn’t get promoted may not see it as good news
Even if you're naturally empathetic and able to predict other people’s responses, it can become more of a challenge when the pressure is on. Be aware of the risk of shifting from a people focus to a task focus, where things you would normally approach collaboratively can suddenly feel to others like a directive from on high rather than a team effort
Empathy isn’t about being fluffy or avoiding anything that will upset someone. It is about being prepared for the response and finding ways to minimise any negative impact. An HR director I once worked with used to have a rule of ‘never giving bad news on a Friday’ because they recognised that sending people home to stew over a weekend was unnecessary.
It’s also worth saying that being empathetic is a skill where most of us overestimate our ability! We tend to judge ourselves on our intentions (we tried to be considerate) rather than the results (the way our actions resulted in someone feeling)
There is so much to gain from staying aware of and practising empathy. Get it wrong and it can take double the effort to reverse the impact compared to taking the time to practise it from the start